July 4th Cooking Gadgets You Didn’t Know You Needed
What better way to celebrate the mass exodus of red coats by bayonet point, than hot dogs, BBQ, outdoor fun, and plenty of libations? We recently gave you some great patio décor tips in our last post, and in the spirit of July 4th, we wanted to help you get a handle on your food gadget needs. Crack open an Anchor Steam, and join us, oh fervent patriot. Inspired by the internet juggernauts like dudeiwantthat.com, these ideas would work wonders in the small spaces and modest backyards of apartments across the country.
Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em
Saw this bad boy during a late-night binge sesh of Chef’s Table, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and leftover marshmallow Peeps - don’t judge us. The Smoking Gun adds cold smoke, usually hard to mimic without a large outdoor smoker and some hamster tubes, to any meat you can imagine, even oysters and bloody marys. We got some uncomfortable looks when we left it on the counter one day when Nanna came over, still not sure why.
Apartment dwellers rejoice! Get your robata on with the Balcony BBQ, just mind the kids and anybody of Peter Dinklage’s height, because from a low vantage point, it almost looks like your run-of-the-mill balcony planter that you might brush up against. Sadly, it is not a harmless planter, but a red-hot inferno of fiery death, should you be unfortunate enough to lean against it, or bend down and try and smell it. Update: it’s no longer available, hmmmm
If we were naked and duct taped to a squeaky chair, we would absolutely hate to see one of these being brought out. Seriously, that’s why we no longer hit the Euro rave scene. The Pitmaster Grill Tool is a handy 3-in-one, which slices meats, opens beer bottles, and that terrifying hook thingy is actually meant for picking up and turning hot meat on the grill. Phew...now that’s more in line with a party we could get down with.
My thermometer is better than yours
OK trust us on this one, this thing is amazing. The Fireboard is the smart thermometer that the pros use. We didn’t just fart around and find this on a Google search; we vetted this and use it on the reg. It lets you plug in 6 separate cooking temps, individually set each channel to your guests’ desired doneness, then it will text you, alert you through the app, or prompt Alexa to say something inappropriately creepy to you when each item reaches temperature.
The 15-minute miracle
In the early days of our marinating exploits, we would chunk some tasty cuts in a zip-lock, pour some secret concoction of sauce, like eye of newt, angel tears, throw in a couple Swedish fish, then put it all in the fridge. We would then pull up a chair and sit with our faces just inches from the door, while softly moaning and chanting spells for 6 hours. Then along came the 15-Minute Meat & Veggie Vacuum Marinator, and quickly banished the ancient, mystic way of the Old Gods.
Tired of lazy, self-serving guests that lay back like Mighty Jabba and demand tribute? So were we, until we ran across the Raclette Interactive Party Grill. Cook meat, cheeses, and veggies on two levels, serving up to 8. Teach your guests accountability and teamwork during your rent home gathering, rather than chaining up princesses and dropping people into the Rancor pit.
Hold my beer and watch this...
The Go Plate – do we even need to say anything? Thought not. We actually think it should be called the Bro Plate. Hey, are those Brotato Chips? *chortle*
The self-cleaning BBQ pit
The grill bot is the Roomba of the grilling community, embodying true lazy-tech at its’ very best. When Skynet finally becomes fully self-aware, an impossibly cute little army of these things will gleefully chase you down and murder you. What an adorable way to go. Picture or it didn’t happen!
Patience is just so 2017
Unless you live under a rock, or a dirty stack of old tires, you have likely already heard about this Pronto wine chiller. Most likely it was because you lost your remote and couldn’t quite bear to actually stand up and do anything about it. 3 hours and 6 seasons of Shark Tank later, you discovered this magical cold sorcery box. It puts the hurt on some iced coffee, vodka, or any libation you could think of. Sure beats throwing a bottle of room temp wine in the freezer for a quick chill, then forgetting it, which resulted in that awkward moment the next day when “Karen’s exploding Riesling ruined the fish sticks”.
Stop this ride and let us off
Grilled Pizza Cone Set – Wait? This exists? You just put this here to mess with us, right? We are 110% certain that this would turn into a bonified Pinterest #nailedit. There is simply no way that a mortal could achieve such greatness without the help of a furious Gordon Ramsey, screaming obscenities at Rachel Ray, while the ghost of Julia Childs hovered over both of them mumbling incoherently and covered in ectoplasm. We are certain that at least 3 food stylists perished while trying to construct this vision of perfection.
Grillin’ Halloumi with Ole’ Billy Gates
Ah, and now we have come to the coup de grace: The Smart Grill, by Lynx. This is the coveted nuclear arsenal that all authoritarian BBQ nation states seek to aspire to. This Tesla of grills can monitor different parts of the grill surface, and adjust the temp accordingly, to automatically cook veggies, meats and brats simultaneously, with its’ 1.5Ghz Intel® Processor, 64GB of storage, and 802.11N Wi-Fi. It’s iOS & Android systems supported and can even be controlled by voice or smart device. Oh, and for the cool price tag of $9,499, it had better transform into an Autobot when not in use and follow us around blurting out cheesy Michael Bay movie quotes, or we’ll be really peeved.
Oh, by the way. .
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LIVV is the world's first AI powered apartment search assistant designed to help you find and rent the perfect apartment, condo, or home quickly and effortlessly. Tell LIVV your housing and lifestyle preferences, and it will deliver strong matches, help you stand out, and lease that perfect new home. Let your next apartment find you at LIVV.co